Monday, April 09, 2012

Messy Spring Days & Grace Enough For This Moment

Life is rather messy right now.
 It is spring and so much is happening on the farm.

Farm babies and farm & garden projects

 and friends here for days on end,  my relatives here for a week, and then unexpectedly more overnight guests, a school farm tour, a Passover celebration with friends,

 and meat processing and.......

Yes, I am tired. Everything around me is in some level of uproar, or semi to complete disorder and my insides are in just exactly that shape.
Of course, there is the daily dealings with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Our adventures in the last year with RAD are not ones that fit under the heading of "joyous adventures" but they are certainly daily adventures.
The other night I was thinking that this blog address should be scrapped for something a bit less upbeat, and a bit more realistic.  Who knew that one child could so completely turn your life upside down and backwards and inside out.
I keep telling myself desperately that there is hope and it will get better and I keep believing we are making progress.  I begin to really believe myself and then I am slammed back down with a reality check and destruction like a wake following his footsteps and lurking like a shadow in the corners.  Then I am not so sure, but still I think (I hope) we are making progress even if it is 3 steps forward and two steps backward.
Once again, I grab my notebook and I write desperately, listing my thanks, just being grateful, and hanging on to hope.  It gets me through these days.  Small things really, but good things, happy things.

the first yellow iris
foaming white milk
a tender embrace from the strong arms of my man
apricot hair lotion and sweet baby curls
blue skies
grace to smile
dark chocolate with currants
a hot shower
mounds of clean laundry fresh from the line

So, I keep counting and it helps, it really does.


  1. (((Praying for you, LeAnn.)))

    Here is the passage that I have clung to, over and over again:

    Isaiah 43:18-19, NASB

    Do not call to mind the former things,
    Or ponder things of the past.
    Behold, I will do something new,
    Now it will spring forth;
    Will you not be aware of it?
    I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
    Rivers in the desert.

    There is always hope when we have God. He can transform anyone, heal every hurt, redeem the broken places.

    Love you, friend. May He strengthen you with greater grace and compassion and love and may He empower you with hope and perseverance. Bless you for loving the least of these... in that, you are loving our Lord. (((hugs)))

    1. I needed these words, thank you for eyes are full of tears, good tears, thankful ones. (hugs back)

  2. Mmm! I'll have a fresh garden salad with bacon, please. The little princess in the Easter dress, Precious!! Easter outfits do take a new twist when little girls are involved don't they?

    I did not realize you guys are dealing with the RAD issue. (Looking back I should have read it between the lines but I'm a little slow like that.) We have friends we are walking that road with. (Although I realize listening to their hearts is NOT the same as living it daily!) It's a tough road but that little boy is lucky to have you. Your heart is beautiful!! Your God is powerful!!!

    1. Thanks girl, it is a HARD road and without God I know I couldn't do it. Do keep us in your prayers. Blessings!

  3. ...slipping back here this morning to let you know that I'm praying for you today!

    much love to you!

  4. Love you dear. Just keep up your courage. All things do work together for the good of those who follow God."...For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
    Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness...And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."Rom.8:24-26
    God is with you, and we are praying that His wisdom will guide you.

    1. Love you to sis, and thank you for your prayers!

  5. LeAnn, HI! First time to your blog here! Just wanted to leave a quick comment. LOVED looking around and reading a bit about your beautiful family. Your daughter in these pictures is sooooooo precious! Wow. I see you have goats too! Do you have Nubians? Just guessing from the ears, I dont really know ;)
    Well, I will be back to read more soon!

  6. Oh girlie. How I hurt with you. When your little guy was a little guy, I knew. Remember? Then, later, we went to the little Vietnamese house for lunch. We talked then, and prayed.

    The raod you are walking is especially difficult because you have sons so close in age. May you have wisdom every step of the way. I'll be praying that that your family makes the best decison for your whole family. You know the painful one we made, had to make. It was awful for us, heart wrentching, almost no one understood, but for us, for our then son, for our other children, in our situation it was thebest choice, the right one. Your road will be different than ours, of course, but I will be praying.

    Never underestimate, how precious one-on-one time can be in the midst of the stress. Our children thrive when we take such times for them.


    1. Thank you Stacy, we so need wisdom. We have considered every option we know and frankly we feel very stuck, between a rock and a very hard place. Do please pray with us that we will know how to get through and what is the right choice. It is NOT in anyway easy and right now we feel like we don't even have options. If there is another road then we pray he will show us and open our eyes to see. Thank you for your understanding words, I know that you know in a way that so very few can know. ((Hugs Back))

    2. Hey, can't access your blog, I guess I don't have the right password, and I don't have your current email either. I would love to ask you a few questions. If you get this message, email me. PLEASE and thank you so much!

  7. I would love to talk with you on e-mail.
    Our e-mail is my husbands first nameinion and that's at

  8. Hey Ann, Just thought I'd let you know I am thinking of you and praying for you today...
    "When the path before you seams long and hard, take heart, your heavenly father will never lead you where His love and grace can not sustain you" Keep up the courage, His mercy is new every morning. Your little sis.


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