Monday, April 09, 2012

Messy Spring Days & Grace Enough For This Moment

Life is rather messy right now.
 It is spring and so much is happening on the farm.

Farm babies and farm & garden projects

 and friends here for days on end,  my relatives here for a week, and then unexpectedly more overnight guests, a school farm tour, a Passover celebration with friends,

 and meat processing and.......

Yes, I am tired. Everything around me is in some level of uproar, or semi to complete disorder and my insides are in just exactly that shape.
Of course, there is the daily dealings with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Our adventures in the last year with RAD are not ones that fit under the heading of "joyous adventures" but they are certainly daily adventures.
The other night I was thinking that this blog address should be scrapped for something a bit less upbeat, and a bit more realistic.  Who knew that one child could so completely turn your life upside down and backwards and inside out.
I keep telling myself desperately that there is hope and it will get better and I keep believing we are making progress.  I begin to really believe myself and then I am slammed back down with a reality check and destruction like a wake following his footsteps and lurking like a shadow in the corners.  Then I am not so sure, but still I think (I hope) we are making progress even if it is 3 steps forward and two steps backward.
Once again, I grab my notebook and I write desperately, listing my thanks, just being grateful, and hanging on to hope.  It gets me through these days.  Small things really, but good things, happy things.

the first yellow iris
foaming white milk
a tender embrace from the strong arms of my man
apricot hair lotion and sweet baby curls
blue skies
grace to smile
dark chocolate with currants
a hot shower
mounds of clean laundry fresh from the line

So, I keep counting and it helps, it really does.