Sunday, October 06, 2013

Fall comes....

The sense of time slipping through my fingers leaves a strange ache inside.
The realization that my baby is three…

….. that it is October and all the summer flowers are gone except a few of the bravest and heartiest.
The leaves are changing color, and rustling in the wind outside my window.

... and summer is GONE. It hits me with an abruptness that feels rude. I can't quite grasp it, even though I know it's true.
I don’t think I knew we had summer this year. And how did I miss it?
I hate the sense of loss that I feel.... life seemed to be on hold ....but was really slipping silently away.
Now I wake to nights of cool eveningair, the occasional gentle rain andscattered thunder storms and the snuggles that happen because of these storms.
White linen curtainssway in the breeze revealing the pale flash of lightning in the dark night sky and a little afro puff is tucked under my chin accompanied by the sweet scent of coconut andmango hair cream .
There are little heels pressed into my stomach, Lex is “staying safe’ in Mommy’sbed. We listen to the distant rumble of thunder together. Its joy and pain all mingled together.
I want to stop time!

I want to be greedy with these moments and heap them uparound myself and hang onto them forever.
I am not a sentimental person, and these emotions take me by surprise. Somehow, I can't say how, I know it's good and I relax into it and savor it along with the edge of pain and the knot in my throat.
Is this the silver lining? The good that has come from places of deep darkness?
This change in me...
.... in the way the world looks from this new vantage point?

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